The lost art of family storytelling.
Family storytelling is a lost art. When I was a kid, and certainly when my parents and grandparents were young, telling stories was a staple of family life. People had to make their own fun, so they sought out any opportunity to hear stories from previous generations—gathering around Grandpa’s chair while he spoke about his time in the war, or peeling potatoes with Grandma while she waxed nostalgic about fending off a wolf that threatened the sheep she was tending in the hills of the “old country”.
Today, we have seemingly infinite options for entertainment. And I worry we’re missing out on the storytelling that was once so much a part of family life. Time goes by so quickly. My two teens will be grown, out of the house and busy with their own adult lives in the blink of an eye, and the time for storytelling will have passed us by.
So it’s important to capture these stories for our kids now. Even if they’re not interested today, they might be one day—and they’ll be glad you made the effort while the storytellers are still around to tell them.
Embracing busy lives, but not at the expense of personal connections
Don’t get me wrong: I love all the entertainment options we have at our fingertips, and my kids and I take full advantage of them. I also love that my kids are busy with school, spend time with their friends, and participate in competitive sports—they get exercise, they socialize, and they’re developing into wonderfully well-rounded people.
But many of us parents race from work to drive to our kids’ activities, and then we get home exhausted, but we still have to make meals, manage a house, and maintain our own activities and friendships. Our lives are focused on activities and logistics more than anything else.
What can so easily get lost in all of this is the idea of being intentional with our family relationships. Sometimes, it just doesn’t make the cut. Which doesn’t help our kids learn from us and know their family histories.
Why family stories (good and not so good) are important
Hearing about previous generations and learning my family’s history was how I learned to make meaning of the world I lived in. It taught me values and gave me context.
Hearing your parents’ and grandparents’ stories can also help you understand where your best (and worst) traits, or even some of your strengths and weaknesses, come from. There’s evidence that someone’s experiences and environment can change how their body reads a DNA sequence, and those changes can be literally passed down the family tree.
Are you strong and resilient? That could well be a product of the strength and resilience your great-grandmother developed through tough times. Knowing her story could help you lean into and embrace those aspects of yourself. This can also help you better understand other family members and even strengthen those relationships.
Even more important, kids need to hear about the mistakes their parents and grandparents made, in the hope of not repeating their missteps. The more we can share what we have learned with our kids, the better equipped the next generations will be to navigate change and shape their worlds into a better place.
How to create storytelling moments
Of course, it’s not always easy in our busy lives to slip a story into conversation.
I recommend creating some kind of family ritual. Find a dedicated time when everyone commits to sitting together without distractions. It could be 15 minutes every week, an hour every month—whatever works for you. You could invite different family members each time.
Keep a list of all the stories you want to tell or want to have others tell. Share the list beforehand so the storytellers have time to think about the details in advance or even dig up old photos or other keepsakes that might enhance their stories.
When we do this in my family, I look around and see smiles on everyone’s faces. My parents are happy reliving their youth and passing down a part of themselves to the next generations. The kids are laughing, mouths agape, and they’ll often talk about the stories with me later in the day. And I personally get a tremendous feeling of joy and pride, having facilitated this time to keep my parents’ stories alive for my kids. I’d encourage everyone to consider doing this with their loved ones.
The family of CONTEXT Studios' founder in the mid-80s.
